The syndrome known as ARMITAGE PROTECTION MODE (APM) came to my attention awhile back when I was engaging in one of my newest forms of relaxation, reading Armitage blog archives. First identified by noted Armitageian, RAFrenzy, the syndrome has come to mean the circumstance in which one set of fans ( the Protectors and Defenders) worries about and takes action against other fans who get too public about what they think they know about Mr. Armitage’s private life or who publish real life fantasies or fanfics in which they appear with the real Mr. Armitage.
APM is an outgrowth of two other Armitage conditions. The first to be identified was ARMITAGE OBJECTIFICATION MODE (AOM), first coined by Servetus on “Me and Richard” and which, frankly, I think we’re basically all suffering from, ( squee, oomph, yum, slurp, thud, ) – the joy and need to gain pleasure from looking at Richard Armitage . Perry examines this here.
Studies ( by Perry) have shown that AOM is actually a more severe strain of what she identifies as AIM, or “ARMITAGE INTROSPECTION MODE,” in which the fan searches deep into her psyche to explain her fandom, explores her non-sleeping dream states, and discovers that waking up next to imaginary Armitage , allowing him to make her morning coffee and advising her on how to handle the snafus in her life, is a better antidote to the deep therapy that the Protectors and Defenders think she needs.
But I digress.
If ARMITAGE OBJECTIFICATION MODE (and its off-shoot ARMITAGE INTROSPECTION MODE) is the first condition that gave rise to APM, then ARMITAGE DETECTION MODE, also discovered by the neophyte, Perry, is the second.
ARMITAGE DETECTION MODE (ADM) according to Perry in her paper, ‘Abstract on the Increase of Dangerous Armitage Modes in the Fandom’. ( WordPress 2013) is the obsessive compulsion of thousands of Armitage fans to scour news, social media sites, other blogs and message boards- and yes, even municipal property records, in order to ferret out every scintilla of fact or rumor that offers up the latest news, photo, comment, beverage choice, literary interest, movie attended, regarding Mr. Armitage.
Researchers ( Perry) have begun to identify an alarmingly growing number of related Armitage disorders spreading rampantly in the fandom, including the rarely diagnosed ARMITAGE DEFLECTION MODE (ADM2) an obsessive need to rebut or explain away any, even minutely critical, statement against Mr. Armitage. Examples are, his occasional omission of the possessive apostrophe (maybe he doesn’t approve of possessiveness) and his inability to think on his feet in a world-wide broadcast and produce the title of a song that typifies his life to date ( isn’t ‘It’s Blank” a song? Maybe the weight of his curls were impeding his brain function).
ARMITAGE DEJECTION MODE( ADM3) is the severe depression and ennui that attacks the fandom when there is no new mention of Armitage in press or social media despite flare-ups of ARMITAGE DETECTION MODE.
ARMITAGE INSPECTION MODE (AIM2) is a neurosis typified by microscopic examination of Armitage body parts, such as in-depth examinations of the true color of his eyes, his thumbs, his chest, his ass, his thighs, his ears, his lips, his back, his – CRAP- where was I? Oh yeah, his chest. I’m always at his chest. CODE BLUE! AOM Alert. fortunately AIM2 has not given way to ARMITAGE VIVISECTION MODE probably because no one can approach close enough to him, despite the fears of those engaged in APM
ARMITAGE DEFECTION MODE (ADM3) is a transitory state of being during which certain fans ( you know who you are ) defect to Hugh Jackman. It never lasts long . (note: further study has concluded that Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleson may also be involved in ADM)
ARMITAGE ELECTION MODE is a group activity engaged in by the fandom to put Mr. Armitage forward for every new role they hear about which requires a 35-45ish white male actor, only to suffer depression and disappointment when Benedict Cumberbatch gets the role.
ARMITAGE DICTION MODE (ADM4) is the recurring fear that Mr. Armitage will not master a credible American accent and hence, be deprived of the opportunity to play a cowboy, a lumberjack, a cab driver or George Washington, who are usually depicted as being very tall.( the cab driver role might actually require a middle eastern, southeast Asian or Russian accent, which Mr. Armitage has mastered)
ARMITAGE DISSECTION MODE (ADM5) affects only a small number of fans. It is categorized by detailed and often turgid analysis of specific roles Armitage has played.
Research continues by a dedicated cadre of Armitageians – all the time hoping that they never come across ARMITAGE REJECTION MODE (ARM) an affliction that targets producers, agents, casting directors and the like – symptoms self-explanatory.
In the meantime, professionals and specialists, Armitologists, recommend that sufferers regularly exercise their Armitagemania by viewing at least one hour a day of Armitage in motion followed by two views of Armitage stills, taken with a glass of blond beer or red wine.