Perry Pops Her Cherry or Richard Armitage Gives a Lap Dance

Today, I took Richard Armitage for a  test drive. I’ve never seen him on the big screen and I’ve been unsure of what format to select for my first viewing of The Desolation of Smaug, so when I passed a local multiplex theater yesterday that recently underwent major renovation to add some 3D screens and  noticed Gravity on the marquis, I got a bug.

This morning I treated myself to the 10 a.m. show with the intent of seeing the DOS trailer and leaving shortly thereafter.

The theater was like a large screening room with  leather-like over-sized, automatic reclining seats. The armrests lifted up so couples could cuddle together. Not an issue this morning,  since there were only about 10 people in the entire theater –  most of them, like me, alone. I have visions of lots of parents and some husbands shelling out $ 13.00 for some expensive but satisfying naps down the road.

Trailers abounded – the good with the bad. I saw Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro in a pitch for a silly seeming boxing film ( a shout out since both made names for themselves playing fighters ( Rocky and Raging Bull); Kevin Costner, Kenneth Branagh, Keira Knightly and Chris Pine  made an appearance in the new Jack Ryan Film (Branaugh slim as he’s been in years, and maybe with some recent “work” done); Keanu Reeves looking good in 47 Ronin ( great 3D effects) and yes, even Bendedict Cumberbatch was there in Osage County, along with a great cast including a favorite of mine, Chris Cooper.

And then, last up, the familiar music swelled, the black screen,  the recognizable font,  “Coming to Theaters December 13, 2013” and we’re off and running. First Bilbo, and then – there he was – Richard Armitage, bigger than life and practically in my lap, his low, certain voice filling the theater seeping in to my every pore.

I died. I grinned from ear to ear. I gasped.

Knowing what was coming in the trailer was a big help, otherwise, I would have missed just about everything, which is what’s going to happen when I see the film.  But today, I knew what to look for and I missed nothing – not a second of Thorin on the screen.  I may have seen him more often than he was there, since I think his stunt double was used in two of the shots – but at the time, I thought I was seeing the real deal.

There are three close-up scenes with Thorin where I noticed 3D effects – the most powerful was when he stopped Bilbo with his sword. 

The trailer also shows, in succession,  3D close ups of Thranduil, Thorin and Gandalf – I was nose to nose with them. It was stunning – that is – paralyzing. Thranduil is almost hypnotic.

Of course, it was over too soon.

I stayed for a good portion of Gravity, leaving only when I became slightly dizzy and a bit tired of flinching as space debris bore down on me – which made me decide not to see TH:DOS in 3D for my first time – I’m opting for IMAX or one of the other formats. . The 3D glasses were big for me and required concentration to keep them on my nose and overall, the experience was distracting. I’ll go for 3D the second time. It’s definitely worth seeing, but I want to be as free as possible the first time out.

So, I’ve finally seen Richard Armitage on the big screen. True, it was  like a quickie in the back seat of a car- but the anticipation and the excitement made it a satisfying experience for two and half minutes.

So, mission accomplished. I’m no longer a virgin.

Screencaps from TheOneRing.Net